At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
