Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
