I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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