would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
