Capitaan dildo arrescate!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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