talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
