I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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