You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
