I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
