She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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