This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
