I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
