My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
