The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
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