Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
