420 ftw
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
