I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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