but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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