Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
