The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
