you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
