remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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