Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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