Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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