no, he came in my armpit
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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