Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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