There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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