If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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