Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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