i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
