Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Fuck appropriateness.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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