i just wanna soil my oats bro
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
