What a fucking waste of an outfit
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
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I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
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No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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