i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
