I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
