I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
