I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Randomize
