hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
