I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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