I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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