I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
