I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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