i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
