Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
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"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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