people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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