"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
