Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
