Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
