Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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