Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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