I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is wine microwaveable?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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