I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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