So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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