One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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