If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize