i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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