Where did you get a picture of my penis
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
