The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
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