I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
