Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
