God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There r osticjed everywhere
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
